Bounce forward

When I ask people to define resilience in workshops, I often hear the term “bounce back”. It’s a great definition, but I think the next layer of resilience is about bouncing forward. That means that we’re not just recovering, but growing from tough moments.

I also call it “using the difficulty” (which I borrowed from Michael Caine). It’s taking something that didn’t go our way and finding a way to make it useful.

This kind of thinking comes in especially handy when we make a costly mistake.

Because the good thing about mistakes is that every single one of them carries a lesson, a warning, or even an unexpected opportunity…. if we’re willing to look.

I know this because I’ve made my fair share of mistakes. I’m sure we all have. And for years, I wasted energy wishing I could rewind the tape and get a do-over. But obviously we can’t, so I learned another way. The only way: forward.

Here’s the step by step blueprint of how I move through a mistake.

1. Awareness. First, I pause. I’m not trying to run from it…instead I try (if I can) to sit with it. I ask myself what actually happened and what was the outcome? To do this I might take a walk (with the headphones at home), and replay it in my mind.
   And then I ask myself about what I’m feeling. I name it… perhaps it’s anger, embarrassment, disappointment. I’m reinforcing the name it to tame it process to build emotional intelligence. It helps me get out of my emotional brain and into a logical mind. And then comes the key question: Why? Why am I angry? Why do I care what they think? Answering that is where the real insight hides.

2. Perspective. Once the emotions settle, I zoom out. I try to work out why this happened. Was I tired? Distracted? Rushing? Perhaps I’d done this before and no one noticed? Zooming out allows me to ask another set of fave questions: will it really matter in 5 minutes, 5 days, or 5 years? Perspective helps me see the mistake for what it is: a moment, not a life sentence.

3. Acceptance. This is the part that hurts a little. I take full responsibility, with no scapegoats and no excuses. Because I have to accept that the only person in charge of my actions is me. Owning it gives me back control….and that allows me to look at the second layer of acceptance…and this is even more important. The mistake doesn’t define me. I failed at something, but I am not a failure. We can’t afford to attach our identity to our errors. As an example, being late once doesn’t make me an unreliable person.

4. Let go. This isn’t about me forgetting. Instead, it’s a refusal to let the mistake take up more real estate in my head than it deserves. I’ve learned what I need to and now the rest isn’t serving me. I have to find a way to release it. To do this I write down what I can’t control and then cross it out and throw it out. It’s a metaphorical way that I can carry the lesson, and let go of the weight.

5. Gratitude. This might sound strange, but it’s powerful. In the middle of the mess, I write what I’m grateful for. Even the tiniest moments count because gratitude shifts me from rumination to recovery. It reminds me that I still have more going right than wrong. Radical gratitude takes it to the next level.

6. Solution mode. Now comes the momentum. What needs to change so this doesn’t happen again? Do I need to learn something new, communicate differently, rest more, seek advice? This is where the forward motion really begins and I start crafting a plan that transforms regret into progress. Again, writing down what I need to do is a powerful action. Simple, but powerful!

7. Action. This is where we should move on, immediately. The tool I like to rely on here is “What’s important now?” (WIN). It helps me get to the next most important step. What do I need to do? It might mean apologizing to someone, or committing to showing up differently next time. Those small actions will start to rebuild trust and confidence. I’m hopeful that trust will be built in others, but it also needs to be built within myself.

8. Energy. Mistakes often happen when our batteries are empty. This is like a quick audit of what is draining me and what is giving me energy. Often that can mean better sleep, clearer boundaries, or just going for a run! Anything that helps me get into a better mood and raise energy levels.

9. Connection. Finally, I turn outward. Who can help me stay accountable, focused, and grounded? Sometimes it’s a mentor, a podcast, a trusted friend, or a colleague who’s been down this road before. Connection keeps us steady as we step forward. And, if nothing else, it’s always a healthy sounding board.

None of these steps help us go back in time to change the original mistake. But they do help planning for any future challenges.

Mistakes in life are guaranteed. The trick is learning not to beat ourselves up and finding a way to turn them into opportunities for growth.

And always remember that our next move is more important than our last mistake. 

Until next time friends, stay resilient.

Carré @ Resilient Minds

PS - It’s November and we’re headed into the frantic season of Black Friday, Holidays, and Christmas. These can be stressful times for many, and sometimes that stress can boil over. If you want to set your team up to navigate the chaos, we should talk. Just reply to this email.