Radical gratitude

We all have those days. Nothing seems to go right. Perhaps it rains, we forget the umbrella, miss the bus, the line up for coffee is 30 mins long, and then the hot prospect that we’ve been chasing for 4 months sends an email that the deal is off.

These are the tough days of life. And we all get to experience them at some point in our lives. Yes, I said “get to” because usually the response is anger and frustration. But what if we changed that response to one of appreciation?

A thank you for the chaos? A shout out to that roadblock? Sounds wild!

I admit that it feels EXTREMELY counter-intuitive, but I can confirm there is a hidden power to this all. Hear me out for a second.

When we look for meaning inside the struggle, our brain shifts gears. Instead of staying stuck in survival mode, we engage the networks tied to reflection and reward. These systems release dopamine which sparks curiosity, motivation, and learning.

That dopamine also supports neuroplasticity, the brain’s ability to rewire itself and form new pathways. While neuroplasticity does slow with age, it never disappears. At any stage of our lives, we can always create new connections and look for opportunities.

At the same time, stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline ease off, heart rate steadies, and the rational part of the brain steps back in charge. It all comes back to shifting from reaction to response, which helps reveal more possibilities that we hadn’t seen before.

Less reacting with emotion. More responding with clarity.

The gift of gratitude

Don’t get me wrong, regular old gratitude is amazingly powerful as well. That’s the gratitude where we focus on what is going well - a beautiful sunset, the lovely meal, or appreciation for that first sip of coffee.

We need to keep doing that as regularly as we can!

But a deeper practice of gratitude is when we take that a step further and say thank you to the grit. To those days that feel like they’re trying to break us.

That’s radical gratitude - acknowledgement of the value hidden inside friction.

We’re not trying to deny pain or frustration, but rather face it head-on and look for the opportunity. We’re asking what the gift is…what the lesson is.

It’s one of the most powerful reframes we can exercise, especially when things at the office are not going according to plan.

Perhaps it’s the chaotic boss who makes daily life a constant challenge. The project that is turning into a real disaster, or even the work that has to be completely redone because someone didn’t communicate all the details up front.

All of these suck, I admit! But they can either suck and break us, or they can suck and build us.

Practicing radical gratitude

If this feels uncomfortable and irritating, we’re on the right track. The days that are the hardest are the ones that we grow the most.

Here are a few ways to start building the habit:

1. What’s the gift? When something stings, pause and ask what the lesson is. What is this forcing us to learn? Just that question gets us using our logical brain. Maybe it’s a lesson in patience, clearer boundaries, or a new skill. Perhaps someone gives us a challenging task that feels daunting, but it’s our chance to build our courage. Write it down or say it out loud. There’s always a better way to look at things.

2. SWOT analysis. In a boardroom SWOT, we box things neatly as Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, Threats. Resilience helps us see that weaknesses and threats aren’t fixed labels but are actually signals. Every one of them carries within it the seed of an opportunity, but only when we’re willing to reframe and respond. Let’s spend the time thinking about, or discussing, the opportunities to find a way forward.

3. Say “thank you”. I admit this one is hard, but it can change the game. When plans derail, we can whisper a quiet “thank you” to immediately get back to gratitude mode. It’s small and secretive, but over time it’s going to rewire our response to adversity. “Thank you for the annoying colleague” feels counter-intuitive, only when we want people to be exactly who we desire them to be. If we seek to understand who they really are, we may just learn something fascinating.

4. A reverse gratitude list. At the end of the week, we can name three hard moments that we went through that week and note the upside in each. This is a little reflection that gets us into the habit of appreciation for challenges. This also stretches our comfort levels to a point that we might even start craving the adversity. After all, how much better do we feel after we complete a really challenging project compared to something easy?

Just to reiterate, radical gratitude doesn’t mean pretending everything is fine. And it’s not toxic positivity in the sense that we are ignoring reality. Instead, it’s a choice. It’s a practice of eyes-wide-open appreciation. A way of accepting that something might hurt, but also allowing it to make us stronger, wiser, more awake.

It’s so easy to complain these days. The harder and more resilient path is one where we don’t. Instead, we slow down, look deeper and we stay open to the messiness of it all. Because we know that is what is going to make us stronger.

Resilience is a muscle and it needs to be trained with hard things. The best workouts hurt like hell.

Until next time friends, stay resilient.

Carré @ Resilient Minds

PS - Can you believe it’s October already?! Q4 is starting to fill up with workshops and presentations booked in for Denver, Brisbane, Vancouver, and also online. If your team needs a reset before the end of 2025, please reach out asap to discuss what’s possible.