The scent we leave behind

Regardless of how you feel about Tom Cruise, you can’t help but admire his impact on modern cinema. He famously does his own stunts, continues to advocate wholeheartedly for the shared experience of a packed cinema, and has raked in several billions of dollars at the box office with his energizing and entertaining films.

This week he received an Honorary Oscar at the Governors Awards. His exceptional acceptance speech lasted about 12 minutes, and the first five minutes were entirely spent acknowledging those around him, particularly the impact that his fellow nominees had on his career and the greater industry.

However, what struck me most about his speech was this moment when he purposefully acknowledged those in the audience who he had worked alongside throughout his career. He asked them to stand up so that he could applaud them.

“Thank you. Please know that I carry you with me, each of you, and you are part of every frame of every film I have ever made, or ever will make…” - Tom Cruise

Whilst the whole speech was full of emotion and appreciation, it was that moment that stands out for it’s deep gratitude and humility. A nod to those who had helped shape his career, and an acceptance that he would not be where he is without any of them.

It was a superb reminder that, regardless of the people we become, we are a product of all of those around us. That we are shaped and influenced by our friends, family and community, and that connection matters above all else.

That idea, that none of us succeed alone, landed with more clarity for me these past two weeks. I’ve been in Australia doing workshops and visiting family and friends, and I’ve been absolutely blown away by the amount of support which has come from my wider community.

Unprompted, some amazing people shared my work with their wider networks to help me spread the word about resilience in the workplace. Others have opened their homes to me for a place to stay, while several progressive leaders have also taken the chance on me with workshops for their teams.

I’m so lucky (and grateful!) that I have this strong community. And community is one of the key pillars of resilience. It’s the quality of our connections that helps determine our health, happiness and resilience in life. So I never underestimate the power of relationships.

Because, like Tom Cruise, I know that none of us are ever really self-made. Yes, we do the work (and we work like hell!), but real success comes through the support of those around us when we are starting out, when plans go sideways, or when we simply don’t have any energy left to give.

We aren’t self-made. We are people-made…or community-made. We are shaped by generosity, guidance, correction, love, challenge, and kindness that comes from those around us.

I found a proverb that fits this idea nicely: “The flower you touch leaves its fragrance on your hand.”

It’s a reminder that every time we interact with someone, even briefly, we both leave something behind. Sometimes it’s kindness, empathy, encouragement. Sometimes it’s impatience, criticism, or indifference. Either way, something transfers.

It’s a reminder that we shape each other, often more than we realize.

And some of those interactions are subtle and perhaps sometimes invisible. The partner who supports the late nights. The friend who always listens to our half-formed ideas. The leader whose tough feedback sharpens us later. These are all where connection becomes more than a warm feeling…. it becomes a source of resilience.

In my workshops to build resilience, I talk a lot about habits, tools, and practice. All of these are powerful, but there’s also another layer which begins with the people around us. Here are four ways we can leave a stronger (more positive) mark on others, and the world.

1. Gratitude out loud. We often talk about gratitude as something we do for ourselves, but it doesn’t always have to be. At any time, we can say the thing we’re grateful for, out loud for others to hear. Most of us assume people realize the impact they’ve had on others, but often they don’t. We should tell our mentors they shaped our career, or a colleague that the project wouldn’t have worked without them. Gratitude expressed outwardly can multiply connections.

2. Celebrate wins in others. Let’s embrace a culture of calling out the good. If we spot something going well, let’s acknowledge it. Momentum grows when people see their progress reflected back to them. We can become the person who helps them recognize their own strength, and people will often rely on that praise for energy down the track. Let’s not forget the power of the cookie jar.

3. Practice moments of kindness. This one we can do daily. It doesn’t take much, but we can hold a door, shoot off a quick message, or compliment someone’s effort, not just the outcome. These micro-gestures accumulate and can bring real momentum and energy to a person’s day and week. They also increase a person’s sense of belonging, sometimes more than the big moments.

4. Listen without fixing. I learnt this one early on in my relationship career. People don’t always need solutions; sometimes they just need an ear to listen. Presence alone is powerful and, when someone feels heard, they regulate faster, think clearer, and feel safer. It’s one of the simplest resilience gifts we can offer.

Just like Tom Cruise honouring those who shaped him and helped his career, we honour our own supporters every time we show up with kindness, gratitude, and presence. It’s a reminder that we should never underestimate the impact of others who have helped us, just as we can never underestimate the impact that we can have on others with a simple moment of kindness.

Until next time friends, stay resilient. And please always know that I am grateful for you being part of this community.

Carré @ Resilient Minds