Stop listening. Start talking.

“I’ve learned to talk to myself instead of listen to myself.”

I came across this quote a while back, but it bubbled back to the surface of my mind with a recent influx of anxiety. It’s a great way to avoid the spiral that we can so often find ourselves in, so I felt it was worth a share. I looked up the source of the quote and it comes from Dr. James Gills, an endurance athlete who completed six double Ironman triathlons. That means he swam for 4.8 miles, rode his bike for 224 miles, and ran a whopping 52.4 miles! He did that a total of six times. When he was asked how he managed to push through the pain, fatigue, and doubts, he said the following….

“If I listen to myself, I hear all the negative thoughts, all the complaints, all the fears, all the doubts…. But if I talk to myself I can feed myself with the words and encouragement I need to finish the race.”

It’s not overly complicated, is it? But I guarantee it’s powerful! And this is a tool that goes beyond just athletes. It’s right there in our resilience toolkit, available anytime, especially in the modern workplace.

Listening vs talking

The distinction of listening vs talking might sound small, but it’s the difference between spiraling into anxiety and steering ourselves toward resilience.

When we listen to ourselves, we often tune into the loudest, most primal parts of our brain. Unfortunately that means the inner critic, the worrier, the part that defaults to anxious thoughts. Because it was a certain level of anxiety that kept our ancestors alive.

And now we hear those same inner voices at work.

Perhaps it’s walking into a presentation and hearing the voice whisper, “Don’t screw this up.” Or submitting a report and thinking, “I bet I missed something.”

Those voices aren’t the truth. They’re just us, trying to protect ourselves. The brain has a protective mechanism that scans for danger and tries to keep us safe by watching for the worst case scenario. But if we let that part of the brain dominate for too long, it’s going to lead to stress, anxiety, burnout, and more.

However, when we talk to ourselves, we can flip the script. It’s like the director yells cut in the middle of the scene and suddenly inserts a whole new line of dialogue. The scene morphs into something fresh and energizing as we shift from being passive recipients of negativity to being active leaders of our own mindset. We choose a new path of intention.

Why talking works

I’m a sucker for clips like this of athletes talking to themselves. I’m sure all of the best athletes do it, and it’s obvious why. Sports psychologists have been studying this for years, and the results tell the story: intentional self-talk improves focus, reduces stress, and boosts performance. That’s why we see tennis players muttering between points, or sprinters repeating mantras at the starting line.

But all of this talk is not just for athletes. At work, our self-talk can make or break our performance too.

When we approach a tough moment at work, such as a quarterly update to senior leadership, we might hear some negative thoughts…“They’re going to poke holes. Don’t stumble.” It can start to feel overwhelming.

Now imagine if, instead, we talked to ourselves before walking into the room: “I know this material inside out. I’ve put in the prep. I’ll share the story with clarity.”

This shift doesn’t guarantee we’ll have all the answers and knock it out of the park. But it does ground us. It gives us authority and, most importantly, it prevents the negative voice from hijacking the moment.

This isn’t about fake or toxic positivity and masking our fear with motivational slogans. It’s about choosing the voice that helps us perform at our best. Because performing at our best, even when things aren’t going to plan, is exactly what resilience is.

The office application

Here are three small and simple tools that can make a big difference in the way we talk to ourselves.

1. Find some go-to lines. We know that positive self-talk helps regulate emotions and reduce stress. So it’s ideal to have a couple of consistent, short, and powerful phrases ready for when things get tough. It could be, “I’m slow but I always get there” or “What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger.” We should use them in meetings, during a stressful task, or before a difficult call.

2. Shift to third person. This might feel slightly strange, but give it a go. “You’ve got this, Carré” creates a subtle but powerful form of psychological distance. Studies by a psychologist at the University of Michigan show that “distanced self-talk” helps us feel calmer, perform better, and manage stress more effectively. By shifting perspective and using our name instead of “I” we step out of the swirl of emotion and self-criticism. We move from fear into focus.

3. Talk out loud. I do this one most mornings. It can feel a bit silly at first, but speaking self-encouragement makes it real. I also do it when I’m hyping myself up before a keynote. Whispering works if we don’t want others to hear, so there’s no excuse for us not to reset between meetings, prime before interviews, or get locked in before a focus session.

Doubts are almost always going to be there. Those are the little voices that can sneak up on us and try to derail the whole mission. But I love the idea that we get to decide who gets the microphone.

If athletes use this technique to win championships then we can use it to win back our focus, our confidence, and our resilience in the middle of a tough week. All it takes is one conversation with ourselves at a time.

Until next time friends, stay resilient.

Carré @ Resilient Minds

PS - recent research indicated that 1 in 2 Canadians are struggling with burnout and the rates are higher in the UK and US. If you are looking for some ideas for reducing burnout, take a look at this link.