Stop choosing sides

Letting go of interpretation is one of the easiest ways to make life feel lighter. It happens to us constantly: something occurs and we immediately label it as “good” or “bad”. It’s our ancient survival mechanism designed to help us react fast. But in the modern world, this wiring creates more noise than clarity.

We end up attributing labels to moments that don’t actually need labels. And those labels usually don’t help us.

We’ve all had moments like this. An example I use often in workshops is traffic. We’re on our way somewhere (collecting the kids, meeting someone at the airport, getting to an appointment) and halfway there everything slams to a halt. We feel that familiar tightness rising in the chest and the story in our head is immediate.

Unwanted traffic turns to irritation, which becomes blaming, then rushing, and ultimately stress and most likely a bad mood.

Except none of that had actually happened. The only thing that actually happened was… traffic. We added the rest.

We all do it. We label moments as wins or losses, blessings or disasters, usually before they’ve even had a chance to unfold. It’s a mental habit we struggle with by assuming we know what something means before it’s had the chance to show us.

Let’s pause for a quick fable: The mother with two sons

There was once a woman with two sons. One sold umbrellas and the other sold shoes.

On sunny days the mother wept for the umbrella son. “Who will buy umbrellas on a day like this? His business will suffer!” she cried.

On rainy days she cried for the shoe son. “No one goes out to buy shoes in the rain! His business will suffer!”

With that sort of thinking, she cried all the time. Things were always labeled as “bad”.

One afternoon, a neighbour gently reminded her, “Perhaps try not to focus on what is always going wrong. On sunny days, your son who sells shoes is doing well. On rainy days, the one who sells umbrellas is doing well.”

The next day, nothing external had changed. But she had changed. Once the mother was able to stop labeling things a certain way, she was free of the suffering.

The lesson here is that most events in our lives are neutral. That means that they just happen. They aren’t good or bad, but simply exist. It’s the same with traffic, or weather, or a situation at work. It’s the story we attach to them that creates pressure, stress, disappointment or, in the case of the woman with two sons, self-made suffering.

Interpretation is optional. And when we learn to pause before assigning meaning, we reclaim clarity, energy, and flow.

Applying this in our day to day work

Here are a few ways to practice interpretation-free living, ideal for busy professionals who move fast and judge even faster.

1. Name the fact, not the feeling. Before we react, let’s strip the moment back to the raw data. Instead of “my boss hates my idea,” we can try “my boss asked for revisions.” Facts are neutral while feelings and emotions are layered. If we start with the neutral, it helps us remove the emotion and forget about whatever interpretation arises. We need to get back to the simple question of “what actually happened?” One sentence, without the adjectives.

2. Build the pause. I talk about this in every workshop. Our brains loves speed, but resilience lives in the pause. That’s the couple-of-second gap between stimulus and our story. If we can find that pause, that’s where interpretation can be prevented. When something unexpected happens, we can do a quick breath (or physiological sigh) before responding. Let the nervous system settle so we can choose our interpretation instead of inheriting a reflex. It’s a shift from react mode to response mode.

3. Replace “good/bad”. I always say that language is powerful. Instead of labels like “good” or “bad” we could try the to see things as “useful” or “not useful.” Again, this one removes the emotional charge. A delayed flight isn’t “bad” but it’s also not useful for arriving on time. So in that moment what is useful? Getting a drink. Emailing ahead. Reprioritizing. Breathing. Let’s find (and then do) something useful.

4. Reframe. If we’re stuck in a long queue, it’s not necessarily a bad thing. It might be the time we finally have a chance to exhale. Or if the big project gets cancelled, perhaps it opens space for the thing we actually care about. I always think about this with feedback that hurts because often that’s the exact insight our future self needs right now. It sounds hard, but we need to force ourselves to find a better view of the situation, even as ridiculous as it might feel!

5. Let go to flow. Most stress and suffering comes from trying to force outcomes. But neutrality helps us ride the moment instead of wrestling it. Whatever comes at us today or tomorrow, we want to try to meet with an open mind instead of judgment. It’s a subtle shift, but I can attest to the fact it can change the whole emotional texture of our day.

If we can loosen our grip on interpretation, life instantly gets lighter. We stop clinging to every moment as if it defines us, and suddenly things find a way to just… move. Instead of building a whole story around what something means, we let the moment be what it is. Nothing more.

Until next time friends, stay resilient.

Carré @ Resilient Minds

PS - Those in Vancouver might be interested in an upcoming event that I am co-hosting with my friend Ilona Spaar. We all know how stressful the Holiday Season can be, so we’re planning a night that includes resilience and mindfulness tools, a group hypnotherapy session, followed up with some crocheting and a few festive drinks. All event info is here.