When life pulls in two directions

The wonders of the modern world are allowing me to write and deploy this from 30,000 feet as I fly home to Canada across the Pacific. And yet, as I do, I’m carrying that familiar sense of guilt I so often feel when I leave the family I came from (my mum and dad), to return to the family I’ve built (my wife and kids).

It’s made me think about how often this same feeling of tension shows up in modern life. Not only personally, but professionally too.

Because guilt often lives in the moments when life pulls us in two directions at once.

It’s the dinner that gets interrupted by the urgent message from the boss.
Or the dad who can’t make a meeting because of a sick kid.
Perhaps the important family occasion is missed because of an even more important work conference.

That’s the world we’re in right now. Our world might feel smaller, but our list of responsibilities feels bigger than ever. We should be able to do it all, right? Right?!

And that’s when the guilt kicks in, especially when something serious happens such as illness, family struggles, or critical deadlines. That’s when the little voice tends to whisper that we’re not doing enough.

If that voice is there, resilience suggests we take it with a grain of salt and dig a little deeper.

We can often distinguish between two types of guilt. The first is true guilt, which arrives when we’ve done something wrong and need to repair it. But the second kind of guilt is more like perceived responsibility. That’s when we feel responsible for things that aren’t entirely within our control.

Many of us operate in that second category every day. We haven’t necessarily done anything wrong, but there’s a sense of responsibility to do more with less, manage competing priorities, pride ourselves on our multitasking skills, and believe it should be possible to be everywhere at once. The double-edged sword is that even if we somehow do balance it all, we still tend to feel like we’re letting someone down.

To get through that, I like to think that guilt in those moments doesn’t necessarily mean we’ve made the wrong decision. Often, it simply means that we really care…. and we wish we could put that energy in multiple places at once.

This life, just like many that came before it, requires emotional trade-offs. We have to find balance as we:

• Travel for work while the kids are going through something important

• Run a business while aging parents need more support

• Manage bedtime routines while the mind thinks about the email we need to send

On the outside, everything looks somewhat productive and organized. On the inside, we’re drowning in a sea of tension, pulled in different directions at the same time. We start to ask ourselves whether this is really what we’re supposed to be doing right now.

Resilience helps us navigate that tension with a little more clarity and compassion. Here are a few ideas for the way forward:

1. Hold two truths at once.
   Dual thinking allows us to hold two truths at the same time, which comes in handy in a world determined to force us to pick sides. For example: “I deeply care about the people in my life AND my life and career are built somewhere else.” Or: “I wish I could be everywhere for everyone AND that simply isn’t possible.” The mind often wants one nice clean answer. Either we’re a good son, daughter, partner, or parent, or we’re not. But real life isn’t that simple. Resilient people learn to hold complexity without collapsing into self-blame.

2. Turn guilt into motion.
   A helpful shift is to transform guilt into intentional action. Guilt often gets heavier with each passing day. It also tends to spiral, causing us to run the same thoughts repeatedly without creating anything useful. But when we convert it into small acts of care, the emotional weight often softens. It might look like spending the time we do have being fully present, without the phone. Or perhaps it’s making FaceTime a priority when we’re on the road, or calling more often than usual. None of those replace physical proximity, but they do support connection. While I acknowledge that real-life physical presence is better than virtual, we can still be ‘present’ from afar… it just takes a different kind of effort.

3. Forget perfect.
   Many of us carry an invisible belief about what a good person should do in difficult moments. This shows up more than ever in today’s world of social media perfection. Parents should never miss a baseball game. Leaders should always be available for their team. Real partners should never let work interfere with the relationship. But those standards, while perhaps admirable, aren’t always possible. Resilience doesn’t ask us to be perfect in every role. It encourages us to focus on intentional presence in the moments we do have. Those things often matter more than we realize.

Finally, we shouldn’t forget that the people we worry about most do not actually want us to carry all of that emotional burden. They want us to be the best versions of ourselves, healthy, happy, and ready to do what we can.

People want to know that they matter, that we’re thinking about them, and that when the important moments come, we’ll show up in whatever way we can.

In a world where work, family, and responsibility constantly pull us in different directions, that kind of care still goes a long way.

It serves us well to remember that, while we can’t remove the tension that comes with being pulled in multiple directions, we can carry it with grace.

Until next time, friends, stay resilient.

Carré at Resilient Minds

PS - If this hits home for you, please tell someone today that they’re doing enough. They might just need it.