Real-life resilience - Mums

When I climbed Kilimanjaro, it was the mums who made it to the top.

While some of the younger, fitter trekkers dropped off from altitude sickness or sheer exhaustion, it was the mums in our group who kept going. They just found a way to put one foot in front of the other. Quietly, calmly, consistently.

It was a whole new level of grit that I had the privilege to witness up close. These were women who had raised children, built careers, managed homes… and still had enough left in the tank to summit Africa’s tallest mountain. Mums are tough as nails, and that climb was just more proof that they know how to handle hard things, often while balancing the weight of everyone else’s needs, too.

I saw that resilience on the mountain, but I’ve also seen it in plenty of other places. I’ve seen it in my own mum, in my wife who is the mum of our kids, and in the countless mums I’ve worked with across workplaces and workshop sessions. There’s a special kind of everyday resilience that mothers demonstrate, and I believe there’s something in it for all of us.

What mums teach us about resilience

We might think that resilience needs to be something big and dramatic, like a moment of bouncing back from huge setbacks or a crisis.

But real-life resilience is often the small snippets in life, sometimes quiet, but consistent, and (in mum’s cases), perhaps undervalued.

Here’s what I’ve noticed…. the same traits that help mums raise tiny humans also happen to make for exceptional team players, leaders, and professionals. The environments may differ, but the mindset overlaps are obvious.

1. Mums are the master of the pivot. They can adapt to change at the drop of a hat, always on the lookout for a solution and a way forward. So what we can do is prepare for the pivot. It sounds bizarre, but throwing ourselves a few curveballs is a great way to begin to believe in our ability to handle anything.

2. Mums are loaded with empathy. It’s a core skill to be able to understand other’s emotions and respond thoughtfully. Mums are pretty awesome at that. The best way to practice empathy is to get genuinely curious about other people. I was astounded when a friend of mine admitted he was having communication challenges with his team. I asked him to tell me about one of his team members (their interests etc) and he had no idea of anything about them….not even whether they had a family. I suggested that communication will improve when he knows more about who they actually are.

3. Mums manage chaos gracefully. Despite whatever is thrown at them (literally sometimes!), mums have an uncanny ability to manage the madness with poise and clarity. Because, let’s face it, in life and business, chaos is guaranteed at some point! To manage our own chaos, we can practice turning a reaction into a response. It starts with us being able to find a moment of pause. One of the best ways to do that is a simple breathing exercise. This is one of my favourites. 

4. And, of course, mums somehow find the balance, even on the tough days. They know others depend on them, so they often find a way to let go of whatever is not serving them anymore, to channel their energy into something productive. This mental balance is a HUGE component of resilience, and it can often be overlooked. I often share my mum’s mindfulness practice when she was a nurse. She called it “mindful shedding” …sitting in her car at the end of a long day to take time to just breathe. She did it so that she could let go of the stressful day at the hospital she had just finished, and get herself in the right frame of mind to be a mother, wife, friend after work. If mindful shedding is not a good fit, the other way we can manage it is to ask ourselves that awesome acronym WIN? “What’s Important Now?”. Asking that question is a wonderful way to let go of the past and get focused on what’s right ahead of us at that exact moment.

Finishing with gratitude

This Mother’s Day, I’d like to acknowledge the kind of resilience that doesn’t make headlines but keeps families and businesses afloat and thriving.

To the mum who finds a way to balance it all with love and care.
To the mum who stayed up all night for a nightmare and still everyone to school.
To the mum who gave up a promotion to support others.
To the mum who shows up to work tired but present.
To the mum who couldn’t be a mum, but still mothers others through love, mentoring, or kindness.

Thank you.

And to the rest of us, well we can always take notes. Because we don’t have to be a mum to practice resilience like one.

We just have to care. To adapt. To keep going.

Until next time friends, stay resilient. Happy Mother’s Day.

Carre @ Resilient Minds