Real-life resilience - Dads

It’s Father’s Day in the Northern Hemisphere. Happy Father’s Day to all the dads out there. 

Around 2009, a sleep study in Britain gave us a fascinating insight into the quiet roles we often assume at home. Researchers played different sounds while couples were sleeping - everything from rustling leaves to a crying baby. Interestingly, women were most likely to wake up to the baby’s cries while men, on the other hand, were more responsive to rustling leaves.

This study, it seems, was reminding us of our ancient biology: women are instinctively attuned to nurture and comfort, while men are more hardwired to protect and defend.

Neither role is more important, just different. But it gives us a clue about how fatherhood can often express itself. It feels like a quieter kind of resilience, less emotional on the surface, but deeply present underneath. While mothers may be celebrated (rightfully) for their immediate responsiveness, many fathers show up with a steadiness that often goes unseen. It’s the dad who scans the house before bed. The one who wakes up instinctively when something doesn’t feel quite right.

Most of this stuff happens without others ever knowing about it. Because dads don’t need accolades - they just need the energy to focus on what is right.

“Just that you do the right thing. The rest doesn’t matter.” - Marcus Aurelius

Let’s be honest - Father’s Day just doesn’t land the same way Mother’s Day does. Maybe it’s a cultural thing, or maybe it’s just that most dads don’t expect much recognition. But I think it’s also because fatherhood has long been wrapped in a certain level of Stoicism and resilience - a silent grind, and the assumption that the hard stuff just needs to get done.

I saw that quiet resilience first hand when I was younger.

Lately, I’ve been reflecting on why I do the work I do, which is helping people feel more resilient, more in control, more grounded in everyday work and life. I think it started with my own dad.

He was the guy out in the backyard every morning, doing yoga and meditating. Every day. Even when my friends were sleeping over. Is it strange that, even as a teenager, I never found it embarrassing? I actually found it kind of cool. Like he was operating on a different frequency.

Looking back, I see now that it was a quiet, daily discipline that he needed in order to be the best version of himself. It was a man doing the invisible work to stay anchored.

^{The invisible resilience of fatherhood}

Dad resilience is a unique kind of strength. It rarely shows up in headlines or highlight reels. But it’s there, tucked into the corners of everyday life. Perhaps it’s the job he doesn’t love, because he know that stability matters more. Or even just in the daily duties that aren’t glamorous, but are necessary.

This kind of resilience doesn’t shout. It just holds steady.

Many fathers (and father figures) carry the weight of responsibility without applause. They feel the pressure to be composed, competent, and calm, even when things are cracking underneath. They absorb the stress, not because they don’t feel it, but because they believe it’s part of the role. They simply want the best for the rest.

That’s the invisible load. And for some of us, it wasn’t our dad who carried it; maybe it was a coach, a teacher, a mentor, or a neighbour who showed up, day after day, even when life was messy.

That’s resilience.

So how do we build this kind of resilience in our everyday lives, especially when no one’s watching? Whether we're in the boardroom or the backyard, here are a few tools that help.

1. Name the weight. Often we carry stress unconsciously. Naming the invisible load is the first step to reclaiming power over it. We can say it out loud, and the awareness helps us take the first necessary action forward. "I'm worried about money," or "I feel responsible for everyone’s happiness" are examples. In a work setting it could be “I’m worried that the expectations are unrealistic.” Say it out loud to be clear on what exactly is the challenge.

2. Find “the space”. Mindfulness strikes again, but I promise that it works. We all need to find that beat in life. And I’m not talking about a great song on the radio. I am talking about the beat being the pause. The space to reset. Before walking into a meeting, the house, or a tough conversation, we can take 60 seconds to breathe, reset, and shift our energy. Literally 10 seconds to do a physiological sigh can be a game-changer.

3. Think of the greater purpose. Resilience is easier when we think beyond ourselves. When we are acting for others (because we know that it’s the right thing to do) we naturally find ourselves more confident that usual. We push ourselves to participate and do the hard thing. Great companies will create a strong culture that provides a greater purpose that we can cling to. Let’s make sure we understand that greater purpose and make time to reassure that it aligns with what we believe.

Fatherhood (much like great leadership) isn’t about being seen, but rather about being dependable and doing the right thing, regardless of the accolades or applause.

So if no one’s said it to you lately, thank you. Thank you for showing up, doing the work, and being that quiet, resilient presence in someone’s world.

Until next time friends, stay resilient.

Carre @ Resilient Minds

PS - I help organizations, teams and individuals understand and learn the tools to be more resilient in everyday life. I run workshops, keynote presentations and also offer personalized programs for any businesses looking to gain an advantage in this ever-evolving world. More info can be found here.