Kintsugi: if it breaks, rebuild it better

There’s a scene in Lethal Weapon 3 where two main characters (played by Mel Gibson and Rene Russo) swap stories about the scars they’ve each acquired in the line of duty, both trying to one-up each other with the stories behind each.

It’s not a deep scene in terms of plot, but it demonstrates the idea behind this week’s newsletter. Scars are painful, but they often make the best stories. Those lines of past trauma remind us of something broken but repaired, and now more meaningful.

This is the essence of Kintsugi. A Japanese artform to rebuild broken bowls and artefacts to be better than they were originally. It’s the fundamental idea of resilience: not just to bounce back, but to bounce forward. To not just go through pain but to grow through pain.

The origins of Kintsugi go back to the late 15th century in Japan. The story goes that a shogun broke his favourite Chinese tea bowl. He sent it back to China for repairs, but when it returned it had been crudely stapled together with metal pins. Hardly beautiful.

The disappointed shogun wasn’t ready to concede defeat. He asked Japanese craftsmen if they could find a more elegant solution. And we all know how damn elegant the Japanese are! The craftsmen experimented with a lacquer that was dusted with powdered gold and used the mixture to mend the cracks. The result was both functional and beautiful. The repaired bowl became more stunning than before it had broken.

We might even argue that it was more beautiful because it was broken.

Kintsugi (the literal meaning is “golden joinery”) became both an art form and a philosophy. It was a reminder that, just because things (or people) crack and break, it doesn’t mean they can’t be mended stronger. But what I think is a more impressive part of the story, is that the cracks become something we celebrate rather than disguise.

When life cracks us open

The best stories in life always include some moment of breaking. Whether it’s rejection, injury, personal sacrifice, significant change, or something else… they are obstacles to overcome and fight to emerge victorious. We all experience these moments. Maybe it’s the job we didn’t get, the relationship that collapsed, the burnout that forced us to stop, or the failure that knocked us sideways.

For celebrities, these stories are EVERYWHERE. Just this past weekend, NFL fans were celebrating the story of Seattle Seahawks Quarterback Sam Darnold. Almost everyone bet against this guy, but now he is taking his team to the Super Bowl. And he did it after being left on the bench, passed around to two more teams before eventually finding a coach and team that believed in him.

Simone Biles is another. Bowing out of the Tokyo Olympics for mental health challenges, she used the time to recover and come back so much stronger that she dominated at the Paris Olympics in 2024. Her mental health challenges were so public that they helped forge her story when she landed in Paris.

Robert Downey Jr is another. Beat down and broken in rehab, he emerged to get clean and reforge a much more successful acting career. His past darkness became part of future roles as he leaned into the fractures to highlight his pain.

Last one, perhaps most famous of all, is Steve Jobs. Fired from Apple at 30, he left embarrassed and devastated. But in the crack he founded Pixar which eventually sold to Disney for billions. When he returned to Apple, he rebuilt it better than ever.

In all of those dark moments, it’s tempting to toss the pieces aside and declare ourselves a lost cause. But resilience is the choice to pick up those shards and rebuild, not as we were, but as something more inspiring.

Like Kintsugi, our scars (whether internal or external) aren’t weaknesses to hide. They’re our proof of survival, strength, and growth.

There’s science to this stuff.

Our brains are wired to prefer comfort and wholeness. That means that any uncertainty or loss can trigger our threat response. It’s natural for us to seek to avoid pain, so when things break, our instinct is to do one of the following:

• Hide the damage by pretending it didn’t happen

• Discard the whole thing by quitting or withdrawing.

• Cling to the past, by trying to restore things back to how they were.

But this is where Kintsugi offers us a new chance by seeing the break as the opportunity. That fracture is exactly where the gold belongs.

And we don’t have to wait for massive fractures to apply this. Every small crack in our daily life like disappointment, frustration, failure is an invitation to rebuild, and here are three ways to practice:

1. Name it. We can’t rush past the damage. We need to pause and acknowledge it. Whether it’s acknowledging that we missed the mark on a project or we’re struggling right now, naming the crack is the first step to filling it with something better. If we don’t name it, that unspoken weight will leak out sideways.

2. Choose the gold. Find the material to repair it. Maybe it’s empathy, patience, humour, or a new skill. The “gold” is the resource we consciously apply to the fracture. For me, my two golden tools are gratitude and breathing. No matter how hectic my life is or whether I’m copping frustrations from all angles, I always take a second to breathe first and then remember how lucky I am.

3. Display the scar. Don’t hide the repair. Share it. Tell the story of how we fell, and how we rebuilt. Not only does this create connection, but it inspires others to see their own cracks differently. And, when leaders show their scars, they actually create safety for others to do the same.

None of us get through life unbroken. Kintsugi invites us to stop chasing perfection and start honouring resilience. To see our failures, scars, and fractures not as something to be ashamed of, but as the very things that make us unique, strong, and beautiful.

We bounce forward, shattered, remade, and shining brighter.

Stay resilient.

Carré at Resilient Minds

PS - Data from 2024 suggests the average cost to replace an employee is $30,674 per person, covering expenses like recruiting, onboarding, and lost productivity. Smart businesses will invest just $2000 on a workshop to keep team members healthy, happy and resilient. I can help with that! Hit reply and let me know who I should talk to at your organization.