A donkey and the well

Earlier this week, my 8-year-old son experienced his first big disappointment in life. Not just losing a toy or being told there’s no dessert - something bigger. After working hard all season at baseball (extra practices, thousands of catches, long days and nights at the diamond) he didn’t get selected for the All-Star baseball team.

He’d put in tons of work, but it wasn’t enough.

Watching him process that rejection was gut-wrenching. At first, there was silence and acceptance. But then came tears and anger. Then the questions: “Why not me?” and “Am I just not good enough?”

I wanted to somehow fix it. Perhaps ask the selectors to look at him again. But of course, that’s not real life. So instead, I sat beside him and let him process it.

Soon after, I remembered a story that I heard earlier this year. It’s about a donkey. And it seemed to fit the moment…

The donkey and the well.

A farmer’s donkey falls into an abandoned well. The animal cries out, unable to climb out. The farmer doesn’t have any clue how to save him so his final decision is to put the donkey out of his misery and fill in the well. He gathers neighbours, and they begin to shovel dirt into the well and onto the donkey.

At first, the donkey panics and cries louder. But then he just shakes off the dirt. And steps up onto the dirt just thrown on him.

Shovel after shovel, the dirt keeps coming. Each time he shakes it off. Steps up again.

Eventually, the well fills. And the donkey just walks on out.

It turns out that the ‘dirt’ doesn’t have to bury us.

This story was a perfect way to explain to my son that disappointment can actually be a stepping stone to something else. When we get hit with any dirt (disappointment, slurs, criticism, rejection), it lands on us heavy and perhaps unexpected. At first, it feels like it might bury us.

But what we do next is up to us. It’s where our power is.

It’s our chance to shake it off and step up.

Putting this to work.

In the modern workplace, we often treat rejection and disappointment as things to avoid or downplay. But they’re a fact of life, especially for those striving to grow, lead, and create real change.

Whether it’s a passed-over promotion, a role we didn’t land, feedback that stings, or even a failed team initiative, these moments can feel like a shovel full of dirt. Heavy. Personal. Deflating.

And that leads us to changing the question. We can shift from “how do I avoid disappointment?” to “how do I move through it?”

Here are a couple of resilience tools to use (or share) when the sting of rejection shows up.

1. Shift perspective. Disappointment narrows our view. We tend to fixate on what we didn’t get or what didn’t go our way. But resilience requires zooming out (or zooming sideways). I am a massive advocate for new perspectives (see my article on Dead Poets Society) because it allows us to look at any situation through a new vantage point. Instead of failure, we see the lesson. Instead of “no”, maybe it’s a “not yet”. Don’t get me wrong - we definitely don’t need toxic positivity. This is about looking for the full picture and considering just one alternative angle.

2. Focus on the next thing we can do. Rejection often makes us feel powerless. And if we feel powerless, we need to take one small action that reminds us that we do have a choice. Maybe it’s updating our resume, reaching out to a mentor, or tackling a new project. Even helping someone else through their disappointment can be an empowering move. Any small step forward builds momentum. And momentum generates more energy forward. Keep. Moving. Forward.

3. Prioritize identity, not just outcome. When we tie our worth to one result, one role, or one “yes,” rejection hits harder than it needs to. Instead we can remind ourself (or our wider team) who we are at the core. Values like perseverance, curiosity, or integrity shouldn’t disappear when things don’t go our way. In fact, this is when they matter most. Doing a team values workshop or exercise can be a huge turning point for any team, especially heading into a challenging period like significant change or prepping for a new launch. We need a ‘True North’ when things get murky. What do we want to be known for, even when things don’t go our way?

I told my son that it’s ok to be disappointed - it actually means we care! But the moment doesn’t define us. It refines us.

So now he’ll turn his focus to the next game this weekend. It still hurts, but he can see it as an opportunity now. He’ll be back on the field this weekend, playing with heart.

We’ll never control every outcome, but we always get to choose what we do next.

Until next time friends, keep stepping up.

Carre @ Resilient Minds.

PS - if you know someone who's facing a setback, maybe think about forwarding this note. And of course, if you ever want a resilience workshop for your team to prepare for challenges ahead, just reply to this email and we can set up a chat.